I Made a Change for You Oh the Next Time I Promise Im Not Gonna Hurt You Again
Love songs are where we go our passion, our soul — and well-nigh of our worst ideas.
Nothing good can come of this. Photo past Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout human history, oceans accept been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and bully families have blossomed — all considering of a few uncomplicated chords and a tune that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other manus, that time you told that girl you just started seeing that yous would "catch a grenade" for her? Y'all did that because of a love song. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"It'due south just, my mom. You know? And L.A. is then hot in the summer. And yes, my mom." Photograph via iStock.
That fourth dimension you held that boom box over your caput exterior your ex'south house? You did that because of a beloved song. And 50 hours of customs service later, you're still non back together.
Dear songs are great. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire u.s.a. to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how bodily, real-life man relationships should piece of work.
They're amazing. So amazing. And also terrible.
Here are half dozen honey songs that audio romantic only aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic merely totally is:
1. "God Only Knows," past The Beach Boys
You can go on your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Go Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Embankment Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and informal melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A mural of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here's why information technology sounds romantic:
I may non always love you
But long equally there are stars above you
Yous never need to dubiousness it
I'll make y'all so certain most information technology
God only knows what I'd be without you lot
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your dear and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, y'all should really finish and first over.
If yous're lazily bumping a beach brawl over a volleyball internet and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your heed, you need to rethink the choices that got y'all to this point.
If you lot're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Just Knows," yous are doing it wrong.
Hippies, likely on their manner to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It's a song that just feels like love. Pure love. Immature dear. Beloved with a arctic, kelp-y vibe.
What could be wrong with that?
Here's why it's really really, really unromantic:
At that place's nothing wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-peak notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair equally they autumn asleep while y'all whisper the consummate works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photograph by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
But at that place is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.
If you should always exit me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could prove cipher to me
So what skillful would living do me?
Look, I get it. Breakups suck. There's no getting effectually that. But good God.
At that place'southward a huge difference between saying: "Hey babe, yous are my beginning and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And proverb: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, so I'chiliad only gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call information technology a life."
But that's pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd be without you
...horror-movie creepy. Considering the answer, patently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. Nosotros had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That'south non love. That'southward codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to impale yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It'southward a form of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of cocky-worth in any relationship — ane that, by definition, might one 24-hour interval cease — is putting a lot of eggs in 1 basket. Certain, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably as well hopes you accept, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.
"Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her proper noun over again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Assistants.
1 person cannot be anyone'south be-all and finish-all. Information technology's too stressful. And information technology prevents you from doing yous, which is a affair that's gotta be done before you lot tin do anything else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've ever heard. Just, nosotros don't accept Michael Jackson anymore, and every bit tribute acts go, you lot could practice a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Look at that face. That face! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Hither'due south why the song sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what y'all are
Honey, you're my gilded star
You know you can make my wish come truthful
If y'all let me treasure you
If you let me treasure yous
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll likely become an instant price pass on the highway to natural language-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, appointment nighttime is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-nonetheless-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls y'all over for running a cease sign, and they will think you're weird — just probably still make out with y'all.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime laissez passer to brand out with America considering of this song.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photograph by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'm OK with that.
Simply, hither'due south why "Treasure" isn't every bit romantic equally it seems:
Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes most gender.
"Children, have I e'er told yous what I shouted at your female parent on the street the first time we met?" Photo past Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things starting time to go south right from the very commencement:
Give me your, give me your, requite me your attention, babe
I gotta tell you a little something nearly yourself
Ah yes. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a strange adult female on the street about something she "doesn't know near herself."
What could it exist? Could information technology be that her jokes are funny? Could it exist that she'due south got something in her teeth? Could information technology be that her nonfiction book nigh early modern German language history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thanks for teaching me all about Martin Luther's bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alert: Information technology's none of those.
You lot're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
But you lot walk around here similar you wanna be someone else
Oh. Information technology's that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Word of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it actually doesn't touch her mean solar day-to-day and then much that you, a consummate stranger, need to shout it at her (fifty-fifty over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does want to exist someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I think being Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good way to spend a iii-day weekend.
Sure, there'd exist an adjustment menstruum... Photograph by Eamonn K. McCormack/Getty Images.
Then later on, of course, the narrator can't assist himself:
Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you lot should be smiling
A girl similar yous should never look and so blue.
He respects her then much, he'south actually straight-upward telling her to grin! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you lot know, I guess everybody's got a thing.
Yeah, in the globe of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange adult female and said adult female being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."
He then gain to talk to his potential lover similar the globe's creepiest pirate:
You are my treasure, y'all are my treasure
You lot are my treasure, yeah, you lot, you, y'all, you are
You are my treasure, you lot are my treasure
Y'all are my treasure, yes, you, you, you, you are
By this point, in his mind, she'south a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose information technology could be worse, though. At least she's non just any thing.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That'southward ... something, right?
3. "Don't Call up Twice, It's All Right," past Bob Dylan
For equally long as humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Remember Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is adept at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Hither'southward why it sounds romantic:
Well, information technology ain't no utilize to sit and wonder why, baby
Even y'all don't know past now
And it ain't no use to sit down and wonder why, babe
It'll never do somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Expect out your window, and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
But don't think twice, it's all right.
Smash. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It'southward the song your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her boyfriend left for higher. The vocal that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller job, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a air current chime shop in Mendocino. The song your friend's absurd dad e'er wants to play when he invited your loftier school band over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Certain, it's most the stop of a relationship, just it sounds romantic. And at the finish of the day, shouldn't that exist enough?
Here's why it's actually sooooo messed upwardly:
Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right way to call information technology quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly do good from a difficult, honest discussion about what went wrong.
It'due south not me, Joan. It'south yous. 100% you. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Call back Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "Information technology's your error."
Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? Y'all're all similar, "Babe, I just have so much unspecified love to give," and she's similar, "Take out the trash!" And you're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my centre be enough?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to do is take out the trash." And you're like, "You lot're bumming me out. I'1000 gonna go play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you practice? Why is she trying to change yous? UGH!
Yous could accept done better, but I don't listen
Yes. You do mind! You lot mind! You wrote a vocal about it, you passive-ambitious prick.
You merely kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yes. Your fourth dimension is and then precious! Think near all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you could accept been futzing effectually with that home-brew kit.
Yep, this was worth it. Photo by Nib Bradford/Flickr.
The minute you showtime breaking it down, the message of "Don't Recollect Twice" all of a sudden starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sis's ex-swain, who worked at the Bass Pro Store in town for a while and now might be in jail. Similar your aunt'due south wind chime shop, which would take airtight forever agone had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend'due south absurd dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.
"You kids want a beer? No one's under 13, right?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the song'south narrator as well point-blank refers woman he's leaving equally:
A child, I'm told
That's right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he's besides possibly a pedophile.
Fifty-fifty if we are to accept that this is a metaphor and she's not actually a kid — which there's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than information technology does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may be the point.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Airplane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photograph by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Eatables.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness considering jet planes were still kind of new at the time it was written.
'Cause I'one thousand leavin' on a jet plane
To a mod ear, this would exist sort of like singing, "I'm a scoooting abroad on my hoverboooooard," but in a mode that's somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer campsite. Not easy to practise!
Oh babe, I detest to go
You come across — he hates to go! He just hates it! We know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he detest to go if he didn't honey his partner but that much?
Run into ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.
Why indeed?
Here'south why it'due south actually not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can simply distract then much from the fact that the song's principal character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't really seem like he hates existence abroad all that much:
In that location's so many times I've let y'all downwards
So many times I've played around
I tell yous at present, they don't mean a affair
"Baby, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while you were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sexual practice I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. But rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"Equally empty equally this bed I but finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.
Aye, when you lot break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'south "practiced" despite all testify to the contrary.
And for all he claims to be cleaved up nearly having to part from his 1 and merely, the dude seems pretty excited near the flight. Oh, you're leaving on a jet airplane, are you? Are you Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter well-nigh the "terrible" Cibo express salad yous were forced to asphyxiate downwards as you sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?
"Life so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo past Gesalbte/Wikimedia Eatables.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll think of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
Ah absurd. He'll recall virtually her while strumming and making "my love is delicate every bit the morning dew" optics at a waif-y grad student in the forepart row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
Then he demands:
And so kiss me and grin for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
After all the expose and heartbreak, later on basically revealing himself to be a grade-A sleaze who can't be trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To expect for him?
And here's the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding band
Ah aye. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Different all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank account, and only been a general screwup and disappointment.
But yeah. This time he says he'll bring dorsum a wedding band.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When you look up "soul" in the dictionary, the volume plays y'all a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo past Factor Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very starting time line.
Here's why it audio very romantic:
When a human being loves a woman
Certain, you tin write the lyrics down, but it doesn't even come shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, succulent hurting-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A Adult female
Closer ... but still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It's an elemental lyric.
Information technology's a heart-shattering lyric.
It'south a lyric that demands yous put your dorsum into it.
It's perfection.
Equally long as yous don't keep listening.
Here's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Human being Loves a Adult female," we know that, at least on occasion, a human being loves a adult female.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said adult female?
He'd surrender all his comforts
And sleep out in the pelting
If she said that'due south the way
Information technology ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A human being, no matter how devoted, no affair how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a homo will die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his all-time friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A man can't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A man needs friends! Once a man's whole support organization erodes out from under him, a homo will exist bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a man's mental health volition deteriorate.
I gave you lot everything I have
Tryin' to agree on to your heartless dear
Baby, please don't treat me bad.
This is not what happens "when a man loves a woman." Information technology'south what happens when a man loves a decision-making, manipulative woman. An abusive woman. A woman who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.
"It's Chris or me." Photograph by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you.
(Side notation: Lest it go implied, there is way more than one fashion for a human to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the olfactory organ. Maybe they slumber in separate bedrooms. Perhaps they dress upwards in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a homo, I imagine information technology feels much the same. Or when a woman loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of delivery, living state of affairs, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no i-size-fits-all honey solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Diverseness is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. In that location'south more than than ane mode to skin a true cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
It doesn't matter if it's the correct metaphor, as long as it's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You lot can practice this! And if you e'er find yourself in a similar state of affairs, please give these people a telephone call.
6. "All I Wanna Practise is Make Dear to You lot," Heart
Honestly, Heart could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World'due south Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and information technology would make me want to bawl my optics out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the end of a pier.
This song is perfect. Y'all should always be listening to information technology. If yous're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google it. Information technology'southward only that important.
I am singing the phone book. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photograph past FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
So much passion. And so much pain. So much hair.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Center sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a cardinal tribute to the i true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Globe: picking upwards an unnervingly attractive man for one night of mind-bravado sex and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to os — but never quite as compellingly ever again.
They sing:
It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing past the road, no umbrella, no coat
And so I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while
I don't have to continue because you know what happens next, and it'due south awesome.
"I merely sit down in this motel. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photograph past Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
At present, here's why this song is not romantic at all:
The human relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems besides good to be true. And it is. Considering information technology's not an equally loving ,or even equally lusty, pairing at all.
It'south a...
It's a...
Well. You know what it is:
Proficient at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are bustling along just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't ask him his name, this alone boy in the pelting
Fate, tell me it'southward right, is this dear at first sight?
Certain, many of us might hesitate to pick up a strange leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the route for a no-strings-attached screw, simply our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.
I can respect that.
Nosotros made magic that nighttime
He did everything right
Swell! Seems like it was a expert determination. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
Just then, without alarm, the vocal starts to sound less similar an all-fourth dimension corking romance and more like a story men'due south rights activists tell each other as they vape effectually a campfire:
I told him "I am the flower, you lot are the seed
We walked in the garden, nosotros planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Just live in my memory, yous'll e'er be there"
I'm non a poet. Symbolic linguistic communication often eludes me. Just unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," of a sudden mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sexual activity was kickoff invented in the early on-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
HELLO! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You lot might exist tempted to call back, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
And then it happened i twenty-four hours
Nosotros came round the aforementioned mode
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
There are two possibilities here.
One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years ago:
Photograph by eyedonation.org.
Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping upwardly a baby on the sly.
I said, "Please, please empathise
Ah, sure. Yes. No worries.
I'm in love with another man
Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not one but two lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one niggling affair that you tin"
A Human being LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT Human LIFE THAT IS Non INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The best y'all can say about that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own birth command. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
But ... it's non beautiful. It's non romantic (fifty-fifty the Wilson sisters themselves concord).
And at the terminate of the day, the shadiest character in this vocal is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the dark.
Which... is proverb something.
But in that location is a love song that is truly, madly, securely perfect. An unassailable runway in a bounding main of problematic faves.
A vocal that does everything right.
A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to last.
A song that tin can double equally a manual for the ideal human romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," by fifty Cent, featuring Olivia
Here's why y'all might be — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:
50 Cent (L) and that guy. Yous know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
Equally catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun it is to trip the light fantastic to, and as cathartic as information technology tin be to scream in the center of a crowded fraternity house at ii a.chiliad., in that location'southward no getting effectually the fact that the song begins similar this:
I'll have you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
I'll mail that once again, in case y'all missed some of the nuance:
I'll accept you to the candy store
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Style to take one for the team, narrator of "Candy Store"!
At kickoff glance, "Candy Store" is nobody's idea of a classic love song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forwards. The beat is kinda bones. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily past in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, information technology feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It'southward not a song y'all'd put on a mixtape for your crush. Information technology'south not a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at dwelling with the bodyguard and you've got ix hours to tear upwardly the Piscataway Hampton Inn. Information technology'southward certainly non a vocal you'd include on the video photo montage y'all fabricated for your grandparents' silver ceremony.
Information technology's simply not.
But it should be.
Then here it is. Here's why "Candy Shop" by l Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:
You wanna dorsum that matter up or should I push up on it? Photograph by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The vocaliser starts filling out his fellatio permission sideslip. It's but been twenty seconds, and you're already getting gear up to hang it up with "Candy Shop."
But then ... over the foursquare thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the form of a female voice joining the runway, cut through the din like a blaring telephone call.
She sings:
I'll take you to the processed store (yep)
Boy, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll take y'all spendin' all you got (come on)
Keep going 'til you hitting the spot, whoa
It'due south mutual! It's common! They're performing oral sexual activity on each other!
Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photograph by liz westward/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may non exist the world'southward greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
Simply the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:
You could have it your manner, how do you want information technology?
Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Just Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to care for you like a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Brand Love to You," ("I'g going to trick you into knocking me upward!") — the "Processed Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the globe of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?
Information technology's any y'all're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished instruction yous 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... believing nigh his desires.
Merely hither's the key thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She's clearly into it. And we know this because she says and then.
The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are brilliant carmine, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly gluey order floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photograph by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.
Girl what nosotros practise ...
And where we do ...
The things we do ...
Are just between me and you
No matter how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. Information technology will exist private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you exist a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of whatever relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very possibly in the instance of "Candy Store") minutes long.
She may have a high sex drive, but dude is graciously offering to arrange her. What a admirer! These crazy kids just might become the distance subsequently all.
And at the end of the twenty-four hour period, what is a relationship only two nymphos, sharing wellness insurance?
Cheers, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.
Information technology'southward like it's a race who could become undressed quicker
Again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an every bit cracking fourth dimension.
I touch the right spot at the right fourth dimension
Of class, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, simply if we're to take him at his word, "Candy Store" guy is at to the lowest degree as good at "doing everything right" as the bearding hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Exercise is Make Dearest to You lot" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he's not a hero or a stranger in the nighttime or a funky, shimmering honey god. He'southward a skillful partner.
"Processed Shop" is raunchy. Information technology'south dirty. It's not your grandmother's love song.
But when you lot strip away the swagger, the back beat out, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Centre Eastern Music 1993," by the stop of the vocal, both people are satisfied. And at the cease of the mean solar day, isn't that what a healthy relationship is all about?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
And then seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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